I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
