in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Come see our sink grown plant.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
