Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
