Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
