xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize