she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
