ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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