pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
