As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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