Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
