I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
