While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
