Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
