I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
