he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
