that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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