Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
And then my night got REAL pukey
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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