I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
