1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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