I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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