No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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