just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
