dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
