I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
