I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
