I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
