Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
