man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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