I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
