I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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