no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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