i just sent this text using only my big toe
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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