i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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