He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
