I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
