There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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