That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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