I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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