Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
