She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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