Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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