false alarm. still invincible.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
