Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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