We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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