I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
