I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
