I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
