I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
