remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
