Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
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