I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
