Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
