I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
