Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
