he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
