I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
