**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
