the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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