Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
why didn't you poke me back
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
