Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
barbara walters just said penis...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
