I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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