And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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