He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
