I'm so fucking centered right now
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
