I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
