I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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