I heard we made out
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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