I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize