i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Vodka?
Forever.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
