My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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