just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
