I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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