she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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