Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
