went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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