Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
