What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize