woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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