Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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