I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Randomize
