it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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