This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
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