I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
