The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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