Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Four minutes until I can fart!
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
