Apparently you make a good broom.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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