i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
