After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
